Everyone’s a Critic!

Including me.

SPOILER ALERT!

This weekend, I watched Cats and Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. Now, anyone who is even remotely familiar with James Bond can see an obvious reference. And they beat this in to your head during the opening credits. The feel of the graphics is very JB. The sound of the singer is very JB. The song is very clubbing. Anyone want to guess what the title of the song was? You, in the back!

     “Kitties Galore?”

Oh, that was so close. No, it was “Get this party started“. Yes, that makes purfect sense, right? Well, I should have known at that moment it was going to be bad. That was a warning sign, but did I heed it? No, I did not. It was only down hill from there.

So, we move in to one of the first scenes. A used sales car man who has crazy prices on his cars has gone insane. He’s holding competing used car salesmen hostage, and is outside tearing things up when the police arrive. H’es got the place wired to blow. The police can’t do anything. Wait a minute, the baddest, toughest police officer in the whole damn town is coming to save the day! You know this because the music is cliche “Bad to the Bone”. Even though he’s driving a regular car, he’s actually a K-9 unit. He and his dog get out. While he goes to talk to the lead cop about what the situation is, his dog sneaks around and is ready to attack Mr. Crazy Pants from behind. Well, Shane, the Human starts trying to wave his dog away, but the hostages see him waving, and think that’s their cue to sneak out. Really, they had to call the police when all they had to do was get up and walk out?

Back to the dog, Diggs. He bites Mr. Crazy pants on his ass, because that’s where dogs always bite. He lets go of the detinator, and Diggs catches it, but accidentally pushes the button. INSERT BIG EXPLOSION HERE.

Back at headquarters, in a completely new and never-before seen turn of events, Diggs gets sent to the pound, because he can’t follow orders to save his life. This is when he gets recuited by an unnamed organization of spy dogs.

His first mission is to ensure the safety of a stool pidgeon. No, really, its a talking pidgeon who has the secret to Kitty Galore, but isn’t going to give them up, because he can’t remember them. After all, he is annoying bird brain. He bungles that with talent to spare. There, they meet Catherine, an agent for Meows. Basically, a spy cat, named Cat…original. She reveals that Kitty Galore used to be a Meows agent named Ivanna Claweua (Claw-you) before being chased on a mission by dogs, and falling into a vat of hair remover. She lost her job, and got kicked out from her home by her owners…during Christmas.

After a quick visit to see Hannibal Lector Mr. Tinkles, they get a clue to possibly hunt down Ms. Galore. But on the way back, they get accosted by some scottish assassins, and Diggs, again, lets them get away, but not before sustaining an injury. Canned from being a spy dog, Cat takes him to her house, where she has some kittens who are just enthralled with him. He asks why they don’t hate him, and gets the responce “I guess they haven’t learned to hate you”. (hint, hint) She takes Diggs to her employers, and some how, doesn’t lose her job. They find where Kitty is, and off they go.

Seperately, the dogs figure out where she is also, and go to stop her. After Cat faces her fear of water, they meet up with the dogs and work together to hit the shiny red kill switch.

THE END

Probably the only real nice and interesting twist is that the big, red button wasn’t the kill button, but the start button! After a quick battle Kitty’s bodyguard, her new-fangled machine is destroyed, and dogs around the world can breathe a sigh of relief.

END SPOILER

To sum it up, this movie was the worst of James Bond mixed with the worst of Leathal Weapon, with a little Silence of the Lambs thrown in for good measure. If you have a chance to see this move, avoid it, unless you have small children. they might be able to appreciate it, because they aren’t old enough to be exposed to the horrors of these movies.

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